I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
