What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
