Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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