I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize