mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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