Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
