you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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