so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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