I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
