YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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