she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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