when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
