so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
