one two three fourrrrnication!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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