where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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