Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
