i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
