I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i drank out of a bidet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
