I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
