dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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