don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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