I am spending my child support on dildos
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize