1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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