You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
