I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
