Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
send nudes
from the living room?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
