Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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