the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
