youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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