the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
