I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
