you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She said her name was "party"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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