i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this boner is exhausting
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize