This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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