Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
