'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize