I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
