the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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