I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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