you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
