and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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