I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize