I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
