This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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