my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
