what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
