i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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