He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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