I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
