Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
