If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize