I'm so fucking centered right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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