I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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