he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
