I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
