chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
