Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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