okay pat passed out under dana's car
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
