i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize