just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
