so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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