wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
