I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
