If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
