Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize