Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
