my phone needs a breathalizer
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
