Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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