how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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