i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
